The Remodel

I wrote the following story for one of my Fiverr jobs. I enjoyed writing it and the customer was happy as well. Win win! {:0) —
Professor Armitan looked over the blueprints of the old mansion and scorned the amount of wasted space, especially in the attic. The attic would be perfect for an observatory! he thought. It’s always important to know where the stars before researching the more esoteric topics. Armitan sat on the porch and watched the sun sparkle over Puget Sound while he called Flying Dormer to set up a consultation. Due to the limited space around the mansion caused by trees, the fact that some of the construction would be done off-site would make it a lot easier to manage. At the consultation Armitan explained the windows he’d want in the attic for the observatory, as well as the expansions he wanted for a larger library, and the laboratory for the smaller experiments. Storage for chemicals, essential salts, and various compounds would be required for the latter. Plus plenty of ventilation. The largest part of the project would be the basement. Plenty of room for storing large boxes. The consultant considered the drawings and made several suggestions of ways to improve on the ideas the professor had, for which he was very grateful. He was a professor, not an architect, after all. When construction started, the crew was very professional and answered questions with easy to understand explanations. A few issues arose when they came across unexpected deviations from what was on the blueprints and what was actually in the house, but they easily were able to adjust their plans, and even made some special editions that the Professor wasn’t expecting, but would very much enjoy. Who doesn’t want a secret passage in their mansion? When all the construction was complete, the professor was able to research and experiment in comfort and seclusion, where the eyes of modern science would not pry.

Check out the details of Motorola’s upcoming tablet, the Exhume.

The Motorola ‘Exume’ – The tablet for the tech savvy Resurrection men. It includes ‘Google Ground Hook’ to find the most lucrative on warm spots where the soil is still loose from the recently lain dead. Play the hot game ‘Angry Worms’. Launch worms at undead corpses that are trying to avoid being eaten. Find it in the Saapulchral store, with hundreds of applications to assist with the shady lifestyle of a grave robber. Also available is The Handle. It connects to the sturdy and hardily built tablet via USB to turn your device into an impromptu shovel, then you need to dig up a body on the go. —Coming soon to your favorite science labs and dissection rooms soon—

Cookies From A Zombie

Joseph peeked through the blinds down at the street. The Dodge Viper sat there in the road, untouched by the destruction and decay that surrounded it. A few zombies shuffled around aimlessly. “Anything going on out there?” It was Clara. Joseph glanced at her. She was arranging cans of food of the desk of what had to have been a company president of CEO. He looked back outside. “They are moving slow, directionless, so they haven’t seen anyone.” “Us, most importantly.” Joseph peered a bit longer at the lifeless streets, then flopped onto a couch that had to have been worth a few thousand bucks before the world went down the crapper, and before the left arm had been broken off of it. He fidgeted with his dead cell phone. “I almost wish I’d see them moving faster … it’d mean there was someone else out there.” “Not if the zombies smell them.” She sat back in the leather chair. “I hope you like green beans.” Joseph stood up. “I’m going to scout for some more food.” Clara sighed. “We’ll be fine for a few more days, can’t you stay here? Green beans aren’t that bad.” Joseph stopped in the doorway. “It’s not the beans … I just … I need something to do.” Clara scratched at the cast on her leg. “Hurry back OK?” — Staying near the office, Joseph poked around some cubicles he hadn’t looked in yet. It reminded him of one of the levels in Left 4 Dead. He stepped into one and felt his skin get ready to cool down a walk in freezer. There was a giant bloody green zombie head stuck on the desk of the cubical, eyes askew, brain exposed. Then he noticed it was made of ceramic. Carefully he lifted the lid and to his great satisfaction saw there were indeed still cookies in the jar. Then he got a devious idea. — Joseph carefully pushed the jar into the door of the office and moaned out the word “Cookies.” Clara shouted a cry of startled terror, then a plushie desk knickknack flew through the doorway and narrowly missed Joseph. Clara pouted a giant, fake pout. “There’d better actually be cookies in there, of I’m shoving you out the window.” He picked up the plushie and then set the cookie jar on the desk. “Sure is. Have at!” She opened the jar and took a bite of a cookie. Still chewing she said “Still fresh too.” Joseph ate one and agreed. He squeezed the plushie and dropped it. “Ouch. There’s something in there.” Retrieving it, he unzipped the zipper. There was a key inside with a keychain with buttons to unlock a car. It was for a Dodge. “No, it can’t be …” He walked to the window and pressed the lock button. The Viper’s lights flashed. “I don’t believe it.” He turned to Clara. “We have a ticket out, soon as your leg is better.” She peered over the desk at him. “I’m fine right here with this cookie jar.” “That is a nice cookie jar …”
— I wrote this for a Fiverr job I got on this product. I thought it was fun, so I thought I’d post it here too.