Father’s Day 2011 – A story for my dad

I asked my dad what he wanted and he said to write a story about how he influenced my life. Here’s that story, that doesn’t even cover a but an iota of a fraction of the entire subject. But here it is anyways. Games, games, and more games. A whole day of games. Games where you make bugs out of playdough then splat them with a foot, races with cars that fall off the map if you are too slow, games I never even got to try. What goes good with games? Candy! Sarsaparilla! More candy! Cookies, root beer, and some punch the color red, with a bit of cracker ot summer sausage thrown in for good measure. The day of gaming is done, and I’ve eaten all my small body can handle, but wait! Candy shaped like Legos; pure sugar! I (over)indulge, and the whole car ride home I feel ill. Once home, I void my tummy into the potty. Gaming and not eating too much candy, two things my Father taught me, both by action and inaction, respectivley.

Jim Feldman: Exterminator

Another Fiverr job project, and another happy customer. For some reason people like something unique for marketing. — Jim Feldman sat at his desk, perusing the latest new gizmos and gadgets in the Floppshoe Exterminator’s Friend catalogue. The new version of his current detector had an upgraded squeek detector, able to distinguish a wider range of species than the detector is his model. I remember when it was just insects and rats he thought to himself. He turned the page and saw the best infestation detector he’d ever seen. “The Bobotronix Ultradetect 5001!” Jim’s eyes focused on the powder coated metal casing, and the various detection equipment protruding from the device, even an infrared camera! “I’ve got to get me one of these.” Then he looked at the price, and his eyes just slid right off the number. There was no way he was going to afford that, not with the sparse customers he got. Then his computer chimed and several email notifications popped up. All of them were job orders. He was stunned for a moment, wondering if it was for real. His secretary walked in. “Jim, hiring Yoshimi Digital to do your marketing is the best thing you’ve ever done!” Jim grinned. “Seems so. How about I get the van ready.” — The front door opened before Jim got to the door. “I’m so glad you are here!” said the woman who emerged. “They’ve been stealing my tomatoes at night!” Jim nodded. “That’s common. That way you can’t throw rotten tomatoes at them.” Once inside he activated his detection equipment. If his heart was a bulb of a joke squirting flower, if would have been squeezed dry in a moment as he read the display. “No, can’t be …” He scanned again, and the result was different. He breathed a sigh of relief. The woman asked what was wrong. “Hopefully nothing. I think I just got a bad scan … yeah, I’m getting constant results.” He set the scanner down. “I can get a new scanner soon, with the work I’m getting now. Then I wont have false positives telling me you’ve got an infestation of Ichabod Headless Clowns when you’ve actually just got common Attic Clowns!”

DoppleGaga Versus The Haircut

I wrote this story also for a Fiverr job. I dunno if the client likes it or not yet. They didn’t instantly give me a negative review, so I got that going for me. — Dallas teen inexplicably attacked by numerous classmates at school. “We saw his new haircut, and couldn’t help ourselves,” said one classmate, who looked distraught over his violent actions. -TrueBune Deep in the sparkling lair of the DoppleGaga, the villain cackled with glee at the success of the first wave of her diabolical plan. “I will destroy anyone who might threaten the popularity of the beautiful creature I was made in the image of!” Behind her, bubbling pots gave off various colors of steam. She turned and combined portions of each together. Once mixed, she poured the mix into little vials and topped them with droppers. She loaded the vials into her robotic army of secret shoppers. She programmed them to go and apply the virus onto the top of more cans in stores all over the state, while also filing secret shopper reports to generate income. The robots set off to all the stores and some were successful, placing tiny drops of liquid on soda can tops, right near the drinking hole in that little groove all around the top that you can’t easily wipe out before you drink from the can. many though, ran into an unforeseen problem. Many of the cans now had a cover over the top, applied at the bottling plant. The virus was unable to penetrate and get onto the can itself. Those robots actually gave the stores a higher ranking for carrying a more sanitary product. Back in her lair, DoppleGaga fumed, watching the news of her failed machinations. “A strange biological threat was discovered today when a recent change in soda can distribution thwarted a plan to infect people with a virus that would give them the urge to punch anyone with a Justin Bieber style haircut. The culprit is still at large.”